Monday, February 25, 2008

terrible plato essay

the library is a stupid place.

im sitting in front of a computer.

i have to print an essay

but i just kinda wanna die.

its really early. i wrote this essay

a couple hours ago with the tv on mute.

when i finished i unmuted the tv for a reward.

the cast of happy days was on the news

ron howard and henry winkler were live via satellite

from beautiful sunny l.a.

theres this idiot girl next to me talking on her phone.

i hate her - who even knows anyone to talk to at nine in the morning?

in front of me theres this fat kid playing gameboy advance.

his browser is on a zelda gaming website. i wonder why hes here so early to play zelda.

maybe he needs to beat a level before his video game class starts.

its too hard for him

he needs to cheat!

the stupid girl is telling her friend to come to the library

but her friend doesnt know where the library is.

i close my eyes and pretend to sleep

i hear her telling her friend how to come to the library.

i pretend that im her, and i imagine not caring that im

at the library really early talking to my idiot friend who doesnt know

where the college library is.

im typing this in 9 size font so she cant see

but im probably being over cautious.

she probably cant read.

that gameboy kid is gone now, and now theres a blonde girl

with a pink shirt on there.

pink and blonde are very feminine.

i try to imagine the girls face

but all i can imagine is the nerds stupid old navy cap.

who the fuck wears an old navy cap?

i look to my left and theres an old asian man sitting there.

i dont know how to feel about him.

i think i should print

my terrible plato essay.

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

birthday present

it was sarah's twentieth birthday. her boyfriend woke her up that morning by bringing her a cupcake and wiping the frosting above her ear. "happy birthday" he whispered, and she laughed and he laughed and they kissed.

she went to the bathroom to wash and get ready for the day. her boyfriend laid down again and started rolling a joint. when she came back to their bedroom, he was sitting crosslegged carefully rocking the paper full of marijuana back and forth with his thumbs and middle fingers. she leaned against the doorway and watched him.

"you've become really good at that."

"thanks," he laughed. "it's an esstential skill really, like changing a tire."

"like changing a tire," she yawned. "do you want some coffee."

"wait, i'm almost done." he eagerly licked the gum of the paper. with a barely perceptable motion of his fingers sealed the joint. "do you have your lighter?"

"it's on the nightstand." he grabbed the lighter and lit the joint.

"the best part of waking up." he said. he laid on the bed and inhaled and exhaled a large cloud of smoke. "come over, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on."

"okay," she walked over and laid down next to him and accepted the joint. she took a small puff and than a large one.

"so tell me, twenty. how do you like it?"

"well, the first few minutes have been okay."

they laid there and smoked the joint until a thin haze seeped over them and they both coughed occaisionally.

when the joint was done she got up to make coffee. he didn't want any, he wanted to keep laying down until the sun set again and the night outside would be cold and it would make sense to stay in bed and smoke and maybe listen to a little music. she agreed with him, but she had classes.

"well than, you could probably ditch. it is your birthday."

"i can't, i've missed too many classes."

"daaayuuum." he whispered and pulled the covers over him.

she went to the kitchen and took out her favorite mug. it was big and the insides were slightly brown and on the front it had a garfield with sunglasses and in cartoony letters under it it said "cool cat". she took out the instant coffee and scooped a large spoonful into her mug and opened one of the bottom cupboards to get a pot.

when she opened it she saw curled up inside the pot a green snake. she froze and didn't breath for a minute. the snake stayed as it was, it looked like a toy. it didn't do anything, she slowly closed the cupboard and walked back to the bedroom. her boyfriend was now up and was dressed and smoking a cigarette. he was looking for something on the desk when she came in.

"there's a snake in the kitchen." he looked up from the desk, which was the messiest part of the room. she looked at a snowglobe on the desk and than looked at him and repeated her words.

"are you serious? where?"

"in the pot cupboard. it's sleeping or something." and for some reason she asked, "what are you looking for?"

"what? nothing, i was just digging through it, i dunno, i'm high." he rubbed his eyes and asked her if there really was a snake in the kitchen. she nodded and he asked her how big it was. she told him to come with her and they walked to the kitchen.

they both squatted down to the level of the cupboard and they both sighed once they were squatting. they looked at each other and than at the cupboard. he reached out to open the cupboard, but she grabbed his arm.

"put out that cigarette."

he blinked once slowly and pulled away his arm.


"what if it irritates the snake? it might get mad and bite your or spit venom in your eyes."

"i don't think snakes have scent glands."

"don't they like, smell with their tongues or something? it flicks out and smells particles in the air."

"does it matter? snakes are badass animals. anyways, badass animals don't care about second hand smoke."

"that's not science." she said, but she didn't say anything after that.

slowly he opened the cupboard. the snake was still there. it hadn't moved at all. sarah leaned in a little bit to get a closer look. the only color it had was green, even it's eyes were green. it was so still that sarah was tempted to get a fork or knife and jab at it. she'd only seen snakes in zoos or on television, and to see one so close and in the center of where she lived she suddenly felt very paranoid.

"why is it here?" she said this, unknowningly, in a whisper.

"maybe it was lonely." he grinned at her as he did when he wanted to impress her. he took a large drag off his cigarette and brought his face to the opening of the cupboard.

"what are you doing?"

he was still grinning and he faced the snaked and blew a long stream of smoke directly at it. almost immediately the snake raised its head and flicked out its tongue.

"shit!" he slammed the cupboard shut and they both fell back, breathing heavily. they looked at each other and he started laughing.

"jesus christ," he said, still laughing. "theres a fucking snake in there."

"do you think it's still there?"

"probably, but i'm not going to open it again." he stood up and brushed nothing off his jeans.

"what are we going to do than?"

"maybe we can kill it or something. lemme go look." he threw his cigarette in the sink and went to the bedroom. sarah remained seated.

she realized that she was now twenty, and even though that it wasn't important overall the idea of having been alive two decades somewhat sobered her. she heard her boyfriend rummaging in the bedroom and she tried to imagine if they would be together her next birthday, or her twenty-second or her fortieth. for some reason now it seemed unlikely. she tried to imagine how old the snake was, how long did snakes live?

her boyfriend came back into the kitchen smoking another cigarette. he had turned on music in the bedroom and in the kitchen it could be heard as if the ipod dock was in there with them. he sat down next to her and kissed her on her temple. he whispered into her ear, "happy birthday" he kissed her again and sat next to her and held her hand.

neither one said anything after that and they sat and stared at the cupboard door. they both wondered if the snake was still there, and what it was doing, and maybe if it was hungry, or pissed off, or maybe both.

Tuesday, February 5, 2008

when we were kids

me and hannah decided that we were going to play forts. its a really easy game. what you have to do is get all the blankets in the house and all the chairs and you have to put the chairs in the living room in a circle, and than put the blankets over em like a tent. then one of us sits inside the fort and the other one goes up the stairs and throws toys at the fort until the fort breaks or one of us starts crying or gets bored.

i usually let hannah throw the toys at the fort, and i sit in the fort . most of the time she throws small toys, like batman action figures or paddles. once she threw a hamster ball with the hamster in it. when we opened it, the hamster was dead. the hamster sacrificed his life to attack the fort. we gave him a soldier's funeral and buried him with a poem hannah wrote. it said

H is for hero
A is for awesome
M is for murry
S is for saint
T is for the best pet ever
E is for evergreen trees were his favorite
R is for really nice

we got out the chairs and blankets and started making the fort. we had to be quiet because mom was sleeping and she hated it when we played forts. she hated it because she didn't want us to get hurt and she didn't want the chairs to break and she had just washed those blankets and its unsanitary, why don't we go play outside or use that new playstation that she bought me.

the fort we made was a good one, probably one of the best. this time we used one of dad's blankets. we took it off his sofa and it had baseball players on it. it was big and heavy and it would be a good shield against toys.

i crawled into the fort and laid down. this was the quiet before battle. i heard the stairs creaking as hannah snuck up. i pretended i was a soldier, hiding in a bunker maybe.

the first shots hit the fort but the fort was strong and i half crawled out and gave hannah the middle finger. she did it back at me and ran to get more toys. i went back in the bunker and pretended to smoke a cigarette.

the next one missed but i heard it hit the ground by the fort and break. i peeked out and saw my playstation on the ground. it was cracked and the last game i played was halfway out of it. it was my favorite game, tony hawk pro skater. hannah giggled and gave me the middle finger again.

i couldn't believe what she did. i was so pissed. i got out and ran up to her. i said "why did you do that?"

she didn't say anything and i got madder. i yelled at her. "why did you do that you stupid bitch?"

hannah was quiet and looked at her feet. her lip was out and she was going to cry. my head felt like it was going to explode and my hands were fists and i yelled again.


hannah started to cry a little. i growled like an angry dog and hit my fists on her head. she fell down and started screaming and crying. she put her arms around her head and ran to mom's room.

i wanted to throw up and cry. i wanted to say sorry, but i knew it was too late and i knew that mom would hit me too. so i ran downstairs, past the fort and past the dining room table and opened the back door and i ran into the backyard.

i sat down in the grass. it was wet and cold and i looked down at the ground and i started to breath really heavy so i wouldn't cry. i breathed heavy ten times and i started to cry. mom would come out soon so i decided that i would run away. but you have to be smart to run away, and smart people don't cry so i breathed heavy ten times again and stopped.

i looked up so that i wouldn't be looking at the grass anymore. i saw three stars in a row, they were a belt. they belonged to a hunter, his name was orion. i looked at that belt for a long time, and than mom came out.